Hold your babies, you are their secure place

When I had my oldest child in the 90’s I really knew nothing about raising a child, I just listened to what my grandma said, and everyday I woke up I was so proud that she had awakened as well, and that I hadn’t done anything to hurt her, or hinder her development, I loved her so much. My mom would say put her down before you spoil her, don’t hold her all the time, but can you spoil a baby really?

Contrary to popular myth, it’s impossible for parents to hold or respond to a baby too much, child development experts say. Infants need constant attention to give them the foundation to grow emotionally, physically and intellectually.

“A challenge of the newborn is getting to know that the world is somehow reliable and trustworthy, that his or her basic needs will be met,” says J. Kevin Nugent, director of the Brazelton Institute at Children’s Hospital in Boston and a child psychologist.

Responding to baby’s cues “isn’t a matter of spoiling,” he says. “It’s a matter of meeting the child’s needs.”

Figuring out which cry means wet, hungry, or scared because I’m alone is a job, and how can you figure this out if you ignore their cries. If you think about it this baby has been snuggled in a nice warm dark place for nine months, and has heard your breathing, your heartbeat, your voice. So it is only normal that baby would be seeking the solace of the place they came from. Let me say this again, it’s not spoiling the baby, you are nurturing the baby. Giving it love, and security of knowing that if I cry when I’m scared my mama will come hold me, and make me feel safe.

A baby who is left crying for long enough will eventually stop, but not because he has learned to go to sleep happily alone, but because he’s exhausted and has despaired of getting help.

It is argued that crying is a baby’s sole way of signalling when he or she is uncomfortable or distressed, adding that being left crying hard is stressful, and continued acute stress sets up a hormonal chain reaction that ultimately stimulates the adrenal glands into releasing the “stress hormone” cortisol. Long continued or oft-repeated crying can produce so much cortisol that it can damage a baby’s brain.

“That doesn’t mean that a baby should never cry or that parents should worry when she/he does. All babies cry, some more than others. It’s not crying that is bad for babies but crying that gets no response,”

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